I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
