You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
