she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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