No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
