he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just sent this text using only my big toe
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
