Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
