So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
