so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
