is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Sheโs leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn Iโm a good big sister.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Good news!! I can adult!! ๐ turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ๐ญ๐
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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