I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
