Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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