why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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