I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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