someone threw a dead crab at me
I smell stomach acid.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
