I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize