Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
