i don't like sucking hair
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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