I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
