I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
