I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
