Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
