Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
