I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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