You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
