listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
