I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
