so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
