There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
