So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
