the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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