I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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