i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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