He told me they were just razor bumps!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
