Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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