wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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