You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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