I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
