Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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