I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize