I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
