with your own penis?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
