so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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