The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
