There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish you could order shots online.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
