his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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