I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
