get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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