we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
