non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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