just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
