Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
