Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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