why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
