I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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