Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
