Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
