Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
