Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
