have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
