life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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