idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
