i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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