I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
