He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
They are going to name an STD after you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
