I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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