Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
