Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
