don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
