every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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