im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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