upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
