shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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