Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
