he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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