So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ugly people sure do ruin things
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
