I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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