I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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